A. Spatula initially felt emboldened by such a high turnout and considered running himself for 2nd Ward after a brief spell of delusions of grandeur and "sugar plum fairies dancing in his head". In fact, in an exclusive interview with the Hoboken Journal he admitted that he almost let the poll results get to his head but he realized that he isn't eligible for the ballot in May since he is indeed not human.
A. Spatula was quoted as saying, "Look, lets face it I am better in the kitchen than my opponent who relies on housekeepers and domestic help to prepare her family's meals or as Tim Occhipinti would say "feed your family (with a county job)". Despite my own personal ambitions, the fact that I creamed Beth in the poll, the fact that I have a first name of Anthony which will endear me to the B and Rs, I want to be a team player and not split up the reform vote to enable a better Hoboken. Environmentally friendly Mayor Dawn Zimmer stood behind me when I fought to get trans fats banned from desserts and it is time to stand behind her now. Pardon me while I whip this out" (A. Spatula then quickly pulled out a prepared speech from his mid-drift)
A. Spatula then continued.... "That is why I am endorsing potential candidate Tom Greaney should he decide to run for 2nd Ward City Council. Tom, besides being an avid food aficionado in his own right, has many years of actual and current Fortune 500 experience unlike his potential opponent and a blended approach to problem solving that is nether divisive nor shrill. But most importantly, he as a humanness that neither I nor his opponent Beth Mason can possibly achieve. Tom appears that he has the right temperament and commitment to solving Hoboken's problems rather than stirring up divisions and obstruction by battering the Administration like his opponent Beth Mason. Thus, it is time for me to put my frappe on the mappe and endorse Tom Greaney for 2nd Ward City Councilman in Hoboken come May 2011. Hopefully, Beth Mason will get her just desserts!"
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| A. Spatula - team player for reform |
Also, A. Spatula admitted another reason for him hesitating on his run was that cyber-stalkers Lane Bajardi and Perry Klaussen had dug up and old story on him missing some child support payments when he was 20 years old (in spatula years). It turns out based on sealed court records illegally obtained by the d-bag-laden duo of Perry and Lane that A. Spatula had a child out of wedlock with B. Spooner, the sultry silver screen actress and spoon from another part of the kitchen drawer. Their split according to A. Spatula was amicable and he explained he was out of work for a bit to provide the reason for the late child support payments. He mentioned emphatically that loves his little daughter L. Ladle very much after initially denying her existence. (I guess what you get is a ladle when you breed a spoon with a spatula).
Editor's Note: Tom Greaney was not able to be reached for comment before the publication of this article and I don't talk to Beth Mason except through press releases like she does with the rest of the City Council majority. There is in actuality talk whispers of a third candidate who has yet to make their name known as having their hat in the ring (or ingredients in the bowl). Kudos to A. Spatula for putting aside his petty ambitions and being a team player for the reform movement.
With the 4th Ward Race a dogfight the 2nd Ward election in May becomes even more important for reform should the outcome this November not be favorable. Stay tuned for more updates. If things develop on this front I will whip out a story in the time it takes to beat an egg. ◦
