The End of the Affair - By Infotainme
Photoshop parody by Graphix_Avenger
The final episode of “I Hate You for the Following Reasons” starring Lane Bajardi aired this week. A special collector’s edition was also recorded that is more than a little altered from the usual ch78 fare.
Be advised that this bootleg version is ONLY for adult viewing. Clearly ch78 did not have the, ah, ‘production values’ that the ‘film crew’ were seeking. To wit: A determinedly approaching man. A seated, as yet, indifferent woman. Ardent masculine urging. Feminine denial, with body language indicators that she’s just not that kind of girl. And then redoubled urging, decisive now, brooking no further resistance... Fade to black. Ah, council porn… I should watch it with the sound on one of these times.
A tape loop of this largely non-consensual coupling is oozing forth at council porn-friendly Hoboken 411 and kindred tedium spigots as campaign fodder for candidate Mason. Apparently the video is still free, but expect that to change once the soundtrack is added and the body doubles get wild on the council table as a nonplussed Jim Farina looks on, shuffling papers, and trying to appear unfazed. Production insiders say Barry White’s “Deeper and Deeper” will be used to cover most of the action, and that tender love ballad, “Closer,” by Nine Inch Nails, will run during credits.
It’s not yet clear whether candidate Mason is required to acknowledge this in-kind ‘service’ as a campaign contribution. Nor has it been ascertained whether Mason’s pretending to know nothing about it beforehand will fool anyone above the intellectual level of a salamander. Already, a sternly worded letter has been received by team Mason from the SDF (Salamander Defense Fund). From an ELEC perspective, much will depend on what the video rakes in on a planned pay-per-view website. Sources report that, for branding unity purposes, the porn site will have a very similar name to Mason’s other pay site, DualJobsDawn...
As for the erstwhile stud-muffin in the shoot, questions persist as to whether he can adapt to a post-Zimmer future. Make no mistake, 'doing it in public' is the drug-of-choice here. Can he fill the void left by no longer being able abuse his speaker's podium privileges with the object of his obsession, should the latter win the election on Nov 3 and no longer wait for him at the council table in a packed room every other Wednesday?
One option for targeting maximum public consumption would be an endless series of flaming letters to the editor. But could they ever provide that tingly sensation of publicly berating someone who can't or won't answer you because of the nature of your question or the contemptuous way you asked it?
Blogging is another thought. But for this master of internet disguises, none of which are particularly successful (ahem), it’s not a very good thought. A wolf can wear a disguise too, but the constant chatter about sheep, sheep recipes, sheep websites, and the foaming abhorrence for friends of sheep tends to undermine every get-up.
As for carrying on this one-sided affair, using the NEXT council president as a proxy for the kicked-upstairs Zimmer - this too looks like a non-starter. It will never bring back those throbbing feelings of superiority and self-importance one felt when simultaneously dressing down, as it were, the council president AND the mayor. And as a practical matter the proxy will inevitably be referred to as “Dawn” at the absolute.least.opportune.moment.imaginable… Bet the ranch on that one.
And so, what option remains? Nothing. Just sitting up alone in the dark after everyone’s gone to bed, watching the final episode over and over and over. Deeper and deeper…
- Infotainme
My comment: A few things now and then more tomorrow...
1) Lane Bajardi isn't just a normal citizen who is asking for information, he is a political hack who tried everything in his power to make Dawn look bad right before the election. Perhaps Dawn didn't make it clear enough that details of Union negotiations are confidential. His attempted cross-examination tactics combined with his tone are unacceptable.
2) The video put up on Hoboken 411 is edited for political purposes and is not straight news.The original was also recorded on a video camera paid for by Beth Mason. It is not edited from the video taken from the City of Hoboken's cameras. This may or may not be an ELEC violation but it is in the very least deceptive.
3) Lane's tirade at the end of the Hoboken 411 provided video is conveniently missing. If a reader were to see it in its proper context, readers could come to the conclusion as I that this is not just a request for information but a character assassination attempt by someone whose reputation diminishes with each and every angrily uttered word.
Here is Part 2 of the unedited City Council version. Go to the 01:41:20 mark on the video to see what really happened.
http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/2399605
